Midnight Blahs.

It's Valentine's Day! Is this the reason why I'm still wide awake? It's past midnight and I am blogging. My eyes are tired but I couldn't sleep. I tried closing my eyes and putting myself to sleep but apparently, I did not succeed! It's crazy because I am once again trying to get used to something. :/ This is definitely going to be more difficult than before. Life can be such a joke. Bad joke. But then again, I know I should be thankful. I prayed so hard for it and my prayer got answered. It just so happened that it was a short lived kind of bliss. I know, I know! I should just shut up and be thankful because one of my prayers got answered.. But I guess that's really how people are? Always asking for more? Or is it just me? 

Were there ever times in your life that you felt both extreme happiness and sadness at the same time? I know this might sound crazy, but this is how I'm feeling right now. I am so happy, I am overwhelmed by happiness but at the same time, there's this sadness inside me which I couldn't contain as well. I'm happier yet sadder. Does that make sense to you? I would often ask myself why I have to go through this. Why can't I just enjoy pure happiness? Why does it always have to come with sadness? How can something so happy, so blissfully happy, has to end so soon.

Whenever I'm feeling too sad, too depressed and too confused about what is happening with my life, there would be those times when I'd wish I'm a different person. There would be times when I'd think what my life would be if I were born in a different time, in a different place. If I happened to be born in a different place or time, would I still get this chance of being this happy? Would the reason of my happiness and sadness still be the same? But then I would come to my senses and try to convince myself that this too shall pass.

There are always so many questions in mind. Questions with answers that I already know but still couldn't stop asking. No matter how many times I ask myself these questions, I would still give myself the same answers. I would always get at that point when I would just let out a deep sigh because really, that just how it is. Right now, I cannot do anything about it. Well, honestly, there is something I could do, but I know that if I do, the result will not be in my favor. I am scared that if I make a move, things wouldn't go my way. Just thinking about how things wouldn't go how I wanted it to be makes me feel so devastated. Everything must go according to plan. 

I may not make sense to you. You may not understand this, I am not expecting you to. I wish I could write all the things running in my mind, but you know, some things are better off unsaid -- unwritten in this case. Some of the most crucial things are those that you cannot blog about, those are things that are better kept between yourself and the people that are most important to you. 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, everyone! :)