You gain some, you lose some.

Let's admit it, one of the reasons why a girl loses self confidence is because she doesn't like what she's seeing whenever she faces the mirror. There are so many feel good aphorisms about loving yourself no matter what, but sometimes, those just don't work. Sometimes, what a girl see in the mirror overpowers even the most beautiful and inspiring quote there is. If that isn't the case for you, then lucky you! 

As for me, the more weight I gained, the more confidence I lost. One of the reasons why I haven't been blogging and why I haven't really going out with some of my friends is because I gained weight. I gained weight and I don't feel confident about my body anymore. I don't like my friends to see how much weight I've gained! I mean, whenever I ran out of stuff to blog, I resort to posting an #OOTD entry, but I can't do that anymore. I don't get to wear some of my favorite dresses now and I was not able to wear two-piece bikini this summer. It sucks because I know that there is no one to blame but me, I know the reasons why I gained so much and I know exactly what to do to lose all these excess weight but here I am, blogging AND eating double chocolate cupcake -- at 1:00AM. Great, just great.

I decided to post an entry about this because, maybe --just maybe, when I finally acknowledge the fact that I already gained so much and I haven't been doing what I need to do, I'd finally go to the next step.. To start eating healthy and do some exercise. I need to do something about this!

Calaguas Island

Aaaaah. I want to cryyy! Some people whom I just met would be so surprised if they see this photo. HAHA. I used to have the guts and the (uhm, forgive me for the lack of term) body to wear this kind of swimwear.  I don't gain so much weight before. :( Losing weight wasn't an issue. I could eat anything that I wanted and I used to never complain about me having to wear body shaper. I could go on 3-5 day crash diet and my little weight gain would be solved. But it's a completely different story now. It is so difficult to lose weight and it is much more difficult to say no to food!

From bikini top to rash guard! HAHA

This summer season, I wore rash guard! HAHAHAHA. I wore rash guard not because I was afraid to get rashes but because I needed a proper swimwear and I don't have the guts to wear a bikini. HAHA.I didn't even have any photo taken because I was still in DENIAL.

Baguio Feb2014

So February this year, I was blessed enough to be go to Baguio for the second time. I love Baguio, and I would've loved to take self portraits but I did not because I hated how big I looked in the photos. I am not used to seeing myself in photos like this. 

Most recent whole body photo

Believe me when I say that this is the most flattering photo that I took. I don;t look as big as I look in person. HAHA! All the other photos were deleted because I didn't like it. I used to post #ootds on Instagram but I stopped because, well for the nth time, I don't feel confident anymore.

My #OOTD posts used to be like this.

FROM THIS (8months ago)

And then NOW....

TO THIS.

Crazy right. So from now on, I will do my very best to lose these extra pounds that I gained! I used to be 54kgs and not I'm almost 63kgs. What the heck, right? This has got to stop. This better stop. I know I cannot do this overnight, but I eventually will. Slowly, I will. One step at a time. Wish me luck! :-)